This is a post about how to pick a host family for your au pair year.
Finding the right host family can have a big impact on your au pair experience. You’re not just choosing an employer, you’re choosing people you’ll live with eat with and work with every day. It’s one of the most important parts of the process and deserves careful attention. This guide will help you understand what to look for and how to make the best choice for your year abroad.
Start with Your Non-Negotiables
Before you even start chatting to families think about your deal-breakers. What age group of children are you most comfortable with? Are you happy living in a rural village or do you need a city setting? Do you want weekends off? Are pets okay? Would you prefer a family that shares your values and lifestyle? Write these things down so you know what you’re looking for. Having clarity from the start helps you avoid wasting time on families that aren’t the right match.
But also, don’t worry! You might not really know what you want until you start talking to families and things come up that will make you think.
Read more: Questions You Need to Ask Your Host Family Before Matching
Research the Country and Cultural Expectations
Different countries have different expectations for au pairs. In the US, for example, au pairs work up to 45 hours a week with set regulations around pay and responsibilities. In Europe au pairs usually work between 18-30 hours depending on the country and are expected to take language courses. Some cultures may be more formal while others treat au pairs like extended family. But also, within the same culture things can change. When I was an au pair in Germany my host family ended up becoming a second family to me. I’ll never forget the day my host dad told me I was the daughter they never had! While some of my au pair friends had more of a work relationship or very friendly but perhaps not quite so much. Take time to research how au pairs are typically treated in your target country and what kind of lifestyle you can expect. But don’t forget to chat about this when interviewing.
Create a Strong Au Pair Profile
A good host family is also looking for a good match so your profile matters. Write a warm honest and enthusiastic introduction. Highlight your experience with children, your interests and why you want to be an au pair. Include cheerful photos and offer references. If you’ve worked as a nanny, teacher, tutor or camp leader be sure to mention that. Families will want to know you’re reliable responsible and fun to be around.
Communicate Early and Often
Once you’ve found a family that looks promising, it’s time to get to know them. The first video call is your chance to ask important questions and start building a relationship. Ask about the children’s routines, their personalities, the parents’ work schedules and your expected duties. Also ask about things like curfews, privacy, guests and household rules. It might feel awkward at first but good communication sets the tone for a healthy and respectful arrangement.
Ask the Right Questions
Go beyond the surface. Ask what a typical day would look like. Check how the family handles discipline or what they expect you to do during downtime. If they’ve had au pairs before, how did it go? Ask what they expect from you beyond childcare like cooking, cleaning or school runs. Ask what their family is like at weekends and whether you’re expected to join in. Be clear on the hours, days off and any holidays. Don’t shy away from money! Make sure you understand exactly how much you’ll be paid and when (although these details don’t need to come up on the first conversation…).
Watch How They Communicate
How a family treats you during the matching process is usually a good indicator of what they’ll be like later on. Do they reply promptly? Are they respectful of your time? Do they answer your questions openly or avoid them? Do they seem genuinely interested in getting to know you or are they just ticking boxes? If something feels off at this stage, it probably won’t improve once you arrive. Look for warmth, openness and a willingness to build a real connection.
Read more: 8 Essential Tips to Make Your Au Pair Life Easier
Pay Attention to the Children
The children are the core of your job so ask to speak with them if possible. Even a short chat helps you get a feel for their personalities and gives you a glimpse into how the family interacts. If the parents don’t want you to speak with the kids at all, that could be a red flag. It’s important to see how the family talks about their children and what expectations they place on you in terms of caregiving involvement and authority. When asking about the kids and their personalities, try asking about challenges they might have.
Look at How the Family Lives
Ask for a tour of the house during a video call. Where will you be sleeping? Do you get your own room and bathroom? What are the shared spaces like? Will you have access to a kitchen and laundry? These might seem like small details but they’ll affect your day-to-day comfort and privacy. You should feel like you have your own safe space to relax recharge and take care of yourself. This can also be a good indicator of what kind of relationship the family is expecting to have with the au pair.
*A bonus tip: ask about their eating habits and whether they’ll be able to get you separate items if necessary. Technically the family provides meals that they eat and not every family will be happy to accommodate your needs. I don’t drink cow’s milk but every family I lived with (I was an au pair in 3 countries!) was happy to buy the plant kind for me.
Speak to Previous Au Pairs If Possible
If the family has had au pairs before, ask if you can speak with them. This is often the best way to get honest insight into what living with the family is really like. Ask how the family handled conflicts, how flexible they were and what a typical week looked like. Most former au pairs are happy to share their experiences and help you make an informed decision. But also, remember everyone is different. What worked for the previous au pair might not work for you and vice versa. Use your best judgment!
Trust Your Gut
Sometimes everything looks perfect on paper but something just feels off. Maybe you don’t click with the parents or feel uneasy about the dynamic. That’s okay. Trust your instincts. You’re going to be living with this family and working closely with them for months, so it’s important that you feel comfortable and valued. Don’t ignore red flags or talk yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re eager to move abroad. What you brush off in the early stages is most likely to snowball later down the line.
Know It’s Okay to Say No
You’re allowed to say no. You don’t owe any family an explanation if it doesn’t feel like the right fit. It’s far better to wait for the right family than to accept an offer out of pressure and regret it later. A good match is beneficial for both you and the host family. They deserve someone who genuinely wants to be there just as you deserve a family who truly wants you there too.
Take Your Time
Finding the right host family might take a bit longer than expected but it’s worth the wait. Don’t rush the process. Be thorough, thoughtful and patient. The more effort you put into choosing your family, the more likely you are to have a meaningful, fulfilling and fun au pair experience.
Choosing a host family is one of the most important parts of your au pair journey. It’s about finding people you can share your life with for a little while who respect your boundaries, appreciate your presence and welcome you into their home. Take your time stay honest about what you want and trust yourself to make the right call. With care and research you’ll find a family that feels like home.
This is a post about how to pick a host family for your au pair year.